Norah Vincent's Self-Made Man

I was totally fascinated by this book. Norah Vincent, a masculine looking lesbian with big feet, decides to glue on some stubble and become a man for a year or more. She's not a transvestite; she just wants to know what men do when women aren't around. Her explorations in a variety of all-male contexts are fascinating. The idea of the project bears a certain resemblance to Nickeled and Dimed, but the deception feels more dangerous, and the eventual revelation of her true identity (when/if she makes it) is far more unsettling to her informants. The deception is difficult for her emotionally and identity-wise, and its psychological effect on her is clearly profound. Her account is honest and intimate.

What it all adds up to is that being a man is REALLY difficult, not just for her but for the men she interacts with as well. She makes much of how difficult it is for them to let their guard down, but they do let their guard down with her to the extent that she surely learns more as a man than she would have as a woman. Actually, another of the most revealing parts of the book is her attempts to date women as a man. She is shocked by how poorly she/he is treated, how intense and contradictory women's demands on men can be. Since she has dated women as a woman, her perspective on that is particularly interesting.

If I have an objection to the book, it's that her sample set, while interesting, is not representative of, say, the men in my acquaintance. It's hard to know for whom her generalizations hold true. Class seems a really important factor as well. Another difficulty with the book is that she doesn't seem like someone who has experienced a deep, meaningful, sexual relationship with a man. She talks about the severely limited emotional range that men are allowed to have, and the difficulties her informants have in their often-troubled relationships, how they feel both resentment and protectiveness toward the women in their lives. This is surely true for everyman some of the time and for some men all of the time, but when a heterosexual relationship is working well, I get the sense that it can provide an outlet for and shelter from at least some of the intensely difficult experiences she describes. (Presumably male homosexual relationships have the same potential, but I'm not qualified to comment.) In short, maybe most men have it as hard as she perceives they do, but perhaps the picture is a little darker than it should be nonetheless.

Pocket of Bolts, who was actually the one to buy the book, promises to read it soon and tell me what he thinks about her experience and conclusions--whether he thinks it holds true to his experience--so perhaps I'll post an update then. Certainly I'll be very interested to know.